hati yang berombak

yaa.... itu dia.... tuan punya blog baru reti nak tengok cerita Ombak Rindu. yeah.. sila percaya. di saat semua rakyat jelata berbangga semedang dah pergi tengok ombak rindu, aku terkedek2 nak siapkan denture patient/assignment (ohh shoot!!! assignment dr wai!!) dan segala bagai aktivit sebagai seorang pelajar. baru tadi pergi tengok dgn amal, elia n kayna.

so, my personal comments? ehmmm... ok lah. not to the extend yg boleh buat aku rasa nak pergi tengok lagi dan lagi dan lagi. aku expect cerita tu akan jadi lebih sedih tapi tak rupanya. ke sebab aku ni mmg dilahirkan dgn hati kering, aku pun tak tau.

and as usual, i prefer the novel, not the movie. tak de scene hariz demam (my most fav scene) yang mana masa tu menggambarkan betapa kacaknya hariz. betapa izzah dah jatuh sayang pada hariz. but then nevermind. osman ali nak mcm tu, apa mau buat kan? terima je lah.. dia director... aku cuma rakyat jelata penyumbang hasil kutipan cerita tuh..

aku masih tak faham macam mana lelaki macho seperti aaron aziz tu boleh nangis bawak watak hariz sedangkan aku seorang wanita yg mmg secara amnya mmg terkenal sbg makhluk ciptaan Tuhan yg cepat menangis, susah gila nak nangis. mungkin lepas ni boleh belajar nangis dari dia. hemm...

tengah member aku weeping org lain dlm panggung duk teresak2 hariz ngan izzah melepas rindu kat rumah mak jah ngan pak dollah, aku pulak sibuk ckp kat kayna ngan elia "wehh, tudung dia cantik dowh!!"

part izzah balik kampung sebab hariz kawen dgn mila, aku sibuk dgn baju dan tudung izzah yg cantik. tengah izzah sedih kena beli dek hariz, aku sibuk geram kat anak kucing tepi jalan (si comel) yg mmg serious comel gila!!!

seriously izzati, you need to reevaluate your brain function before its too late; damage beyond repair.

sepanjang filem tu, aku tercari2 mana part watak yg menyebut frasa dibawah:

"redha itu ikhlas. pasrah itu menyerah"

(err, betul ke aku quote nih?)

finally last skali baru tau sape yg ckp. mila emylia rupanya..

sepanjang malam aku berfikir. sepanjang perjalanan dari ECM ke UIA... 10 minit perjalanan terasa panjang. tiba-tiba aku rasa lemas dalam kereta amal. tiba-tiba semua kenangan mcm tayangan filem dalam kepala aku. kenapa sekarang? kenapa harini? kenapa malam ni?

redha kah aku? ikhlas kah aku? pasrah kah aku? dan apa aku cukup bersedia untuk menyerah?

aku rasa setakat ni jawapan aku adalah tidak. definitto!! kan dah kata, jgn pernah kau sentuh perempuan walaupun hatinya wahai makhluk2 pembawa kromosom Y.

okeyh.. nak sambung main game. esok class at 9. heaven beybeh!!!

"silence is a girl's loudest cry. you know she's really hurt when she starts ignoring you." hemm.... nice one. anybody knows who wrote this?

no surgery please

6 months ago, i was diagnosed with URTI. the doc said there was a white spot at my throat. i dont know what happened back then i didnt asked her the exact area and i didnt even checked the white spot after getting back from the clinic. i was given amoxicillin.

3 weeks ago, i was diagnosed with URTI-again. i was given amoxicillin-again. i had a white spot that cant be scrape off at my left tonsil. and, it was swollen-again. recurrent?? i have no idea!

until now, the white spot remains in its position. other area of the tonsil shows sign of new white spots developing far back down, towards the esophagus.

burning sensation upon swallowing, ear ache, headache, and sometimes i felt like there's something stuck in my throat.

3-4 days ago, there was pus coming out from the tonsil.

damn i hate this.

im going to kuantan specialist hsptl tomorrow morning around 10am. hope everything is fine. hope they will give me 2nd line antibiotic. hope there is no need for any surgical treatment. hope its not something contagious.

doakan sy xde pape. paling penting xnk tonsillectomy!!

ohh dear God, please save me!!

someone somewhere

tadi ade session OS lagi (sigh). kali ni aku xbuat extraction pun. just tolong cik DJ kita yg mana patient dia xjd nak extract pun. instead kena buat direct pulp capping sebab pulp chamber tuh ter expose sket, pinpoint je n klu nak buat RCT (root canal treatment) susah nk buat sebab akar gigi tuh bengkang bengkok mcm jalan genting. ok itu sngt tipu.

lepas habis semua procedure pulp capping yg dibuat oleh akk senior final year kak josyi sekalu buddyku terchenta, aku nagn DJ kemas2 brg2 tampalan tadi.. duk tengah syok tu tetiba DJ tanya aku satu soalan cepu cemas...........

aku rasa elok klu aku skip part soalan ape dia tnya aku tuh. biarlah aku ngan dia je yg tau.

serious terngiang2 lg soalan tu kat telinga aku. soalan yg buat aku berfikir jauh mendalam sampai lupa habis beg aku tertinggal kat almari luar klinik. sampai ostel je baru teringat xbawak balik beg, kena lah call cik Zety untuk mntk tlg bwk balik beg dgn botol air.

aku terfikir, aku ni nampak mcm mmg dah xfikir pasal dia ke?

sekali dengar lagu Jason Reeves-Someone Somewhere (kalau nak tau lagu tuh mcm mn, cari sendiri) kat lappy. hemmm... no comment.

someone is waiting

someone who understands exactly how you feel

exactly how you feel

someone is dreaming

someone is hoping just that this will be the day

that this will be the day

that you take your eyes off the ground out of the blue

and see that someone is looking right back at you

maybe that's someone is me

baru pulang dari hospital. belajar mcm mn nak buat physical examination CVS dari Shahmi n Abd Rahman (mantop). still there's a lot to learn. hell a lot more to learn! perut lapar, kepala sakit, hati sakit. pegi 7E beli slurpee dgn beli burger jual kt depan 7E tuh. sekarang mahu mkn burger dan sambung baca To The Lighthouse dan tido. malam semua!

maybe that's someone is you..... =)

aku, darah, jarum, dan MOS

dengar ini semua rakyat jelata!!!!

di sini ada satu perkhabaran fresh from the oven!! cerita baek punya!

tadi pagi jam 10am aku ade sesi oral surgery. kalau takat baru budak third year nih, cabut gigi atau bahasa omputihnye tooth extraction atau bahasa scientific nya exodontia je lah yg mampu kitaorg semua buat.

maka lepas berhari2 aku xde patient, filzri panggil sorg patient scaling aku, hencik K, bukan dato' k ye. harap maklum, untuk buat tooth extraction sebab gigi geraham besar atas belah kiri dia tuh berlobang teruk sngt. xdpt diselamatkan. plus dia pun ngadu sakit.

maka lepas history taking, intra-oral, extra-oral examination, x-ray OPG dan segala bagai, aku mulakan dengan sapu ubat bius untk bg kebas kat tempat nak cucuk jarum bius. hell yeah aku bg injection kat patient beb!! makhluk penakut kat jarum injection nk kasi injection kat patient. mmg sah2 cuak time tuh tp muka mestilah habis cover macho depan patient beb!!

then comes separation of the tooth from the periodontal ligaments. kemudian ambil tooth forceps dan grasp gigi tu. yg buccal boleh masuk smpai akar, tp palatally (bahagian dekat lelangit) xboleh cecah akar gigi. aku try jugak, pusing2 gigi tp mmg xboleh. crown gigi tuh pecah. xboleh jadi. kena panggil prof nazih!

maka prof nazih dipanggil ke dental chair. yeah, dia pun xboleh nak grasp. solution? separation of the tooth by using bur. potong gigi kepada 3 bahagian ikut bilangan akar, then cuba gerakkan satu2 kot boleh keluar. dah potong 3 xboleh jugak!!

"the tooth is ankylosed. we will need to open flap, and remove the bone surgically." kata prof nazih. deng!!! MOS man!!!!

maka sister mastura keluarkan segala brg2 untuk MOS (minor oral surgery. lupa plak nk bgtau mksud dia.) scalpel dikeluarkan dan gusi patient hencek K ditoreh dan di kopek keluar memisahkan antara gusi dan tulang. maka nampak lah tulang patient. serious xtipu punya. dgn darah yg bnyk. bluerghhhhh.......

kau gila bedah!!! aku yg mmg ngeri dgn perkara sebegitu tetiba depan mata terang2 nampak tulang patient. darah toksah kata bergelen2 aku suck guna suction (saliva ejector). gauze pekat berdarah berkeping2. then comes the bur n handpiece (drill yg dentist duk guna nak korek2 gigi korg tuh). sebagai assiatant kepada Prof Nazih, aku kena basahkan tmpt yg dia nak drill tu dgn distilled water dan sedut darah patient.

bila distilled water bertemu angin dari handpiece dan darah dari mulut patient, maka bersemburlah darah bercampur air ke muka aku, muka Prof Nazih, dan beep patient. PERGHHHHH!!!!!!

ok so throughout the surgery mmg bnyk darah keluar. tapi gigi tuh xmau keluar. dia lekat kt tulang patient, tu yg susah nak keluar. pusing2 mcm mn pun xboleh nak gerak. kalau aku cerita kat korg the whole process ade yg xlalu nk mkn nasik barang seminggu. baik aku skip few chapter of the whole story.

setelah berhempas pulas selama lebih kurang 2 jam, akhirnya keluar jugak gigi tuh. 3 jahitan diberikan. perghhh!!!! selama nih asal patient lain kena sutured aku org first akan lari. skrg kau nak lari mana, bnda ade depan mata, siap tolong Prof retract pipi patient lagi. siap lap darah patient lagi. yg keluar mcm span yg dipulas. serious smpai skrg aku xpercaya aku buat semua tuh.

siapa nak percaya kalau budak yg nangis masa kena inject boleh assist MOS? siapa nak percaya kalau budak yg dulu xsanggup nak tengok org lain extract a mobile tooth, terus lari jauh2, tetiba boleh tatap darah berkoyan dan tulang patient? siapa percaya kalau budak yg sama, kalau dulu bau segumpal gauze berdarah pun dah nak loya pening kepala bagai, tetiba habis terpercik darah kat muka, tudung dan goggle tapi relax la pulak. siapa nak percaya kalau ckp dulu budak yg asal nampak jarum suture terus lari xsanggup tengok, skrg tengok sndri org jahit mulut patient depan mata.

conclusion: aku sang penakut jarum dan darah berjaya berdepan dengan ketakutan aku tuh pada hari ini! yeah!! lepas ni pergi tengok lagi extraction lain dan jgn lari2 dah.

cerita kedua kita harinih pasal aku dan filzri my boy issue dentures pertama kami kat patient prostho first kitaorg untuk sharing case. proses lama selama kira2 2 bulan yg membuahkan hasil yg sangat2 lumayan!!

the dentures are very retentive and stable compared to the old ones, regardless the extreme resorption of mandibular alveolar bone. patient suka!! esthetic pun dia suka. nampak muda sikit. hahahha.. boleh kunyah, bercakap pun boleh. xde la denture tuh gerak2 sana sini.

Dr Ammar was satisfied with our work. and for that, we were excited beyond words. well, filzri xtau lah tp aku ye!! hahahaha...

baeklah, dah tak mau bebel panjang lagi. nanti ade org meluat. harini nak senyum sampai molar!! ngeh3... i love this kinda Mondays. it motivates me to meet Tuesdays. haha.. jom sambung baca Virginia Woolf!!

sakit tengkuk dow jadi assistant xcukup inci ni!! =P

Nose bleeder #2

manyak suka sama ini lagu wooooo...

"ku tak ingin waktu henti tanpamu......"

esok ade Comic Fiesta kat KLCC. beria budak kecik tu nak pegi. tapi apa mau buat... mama xgi kl weekend ni. sebab klu pegi aku xde. klu nk gi next week time christmas. time tuh aku dah balik.

weekend nih ade bakti siswa kat taman impian. mlm pulak ade class bedside teaching kat sepital. nice!!! weekend yg xserupa weekend. "sape kate budak dentistry xde life?" kata cik DJ. ni lah kitaorg!!

its raining outside... and inside...............

stop bugging me!

i decide what i wanna do

who i wanna be with

get the hell out of my life. maybe you should start to find something else to do. tolongla stop boleh tak? tolong jgn jaga tepi kain orang.

aku nak jadi ape, aku nak buat ape, aku nak suka sape, aku nak dgn sape tu semua hak aku. buat report polis kang baru tau, atas kesalahan mencabuli hak asasi manusia. (ade ke kesalahan tuh?)

seriously woman. you are driving me crazy.

me so FRIGGIN HAPPY man!!!! #2

greetings loved ones!!

yesterday after oral patho lab, around 4 something mcm tuh i went down to prosthetic lab to see Dr Ammar, again, to take his pictures to be included together with my article about his article. and also to take the caption for all the fractography study photos he gave me last wednesday.

maka duduk dlm lab tuh, ambik2 gmbr bagai, thnx tu cik diyaizzati kita sebab sudi ambikkan gambar kami berdua, org2 lain semua pndg dgn penuh curious. dr ammar said, "ok now everybody is curious, what are we doing."

ok yg ni xberlakon, yg ni betul2 take note ape dia ckp...

masa duk tgh ambik2 gmbr tuh fon vibrate. ignore dulu. sat gi lah check.

honestly aku xsuka kotak kat bawah tuh. huduh betul jadinya gambar. anyways, after i got all the things i need, and Dr Ammar was tired, freaking tired after such a long and hectic week (poor him) he wanted to go back home and enjoy his weekends.

i checked my phone, it was a text from nazriq.

"salaam farah. When will ur prof's xxx thing be patented? dah discuss kat nst n uia ppl, we want this to be the front page as soon as it is patented"

whoa!!! front page??? SERIOUSLY???

so i dashed to the plaster room to find Dr Ammar and asked him the thing nazriq asked me.

too bad it takes years (two years) for a single discovery/invention to be on official documentation, black n white, saying that, "yeah, you made this n this.. now u can tell the whole world bout your invention"

kiranya, kalau betul nak buat cerita pasal research Dr Ammar tuh on front page, kena tunggu new material that he is currently working on dpt official recognition dulu baru boleh publish. sebab takut nanti ade org curi idea dia, tu lah matlamat utama kenapa kena tunggu. dan kalau betul nak tunggu, aku rasa kena tunggu lg 2 cycle JOC (journalism on campus) under NST baru boleh buat jadi front page.

and so i explained that to nazriq. and then they continue their discussion about the article. finally last night nazriq told me that....

"im goin to double check on ur other article. btw michael LOVES what u did with the research thing =) "

whoaa!!! u lifted me up to the cloud 11 again!! my 'meryl strepp' liked my work!! sape tak hepi beb?? ok again im going to say this, "der, editor dari NST beb, NST tuhhh like my work!!"

and so i asked nazriq did michael say something bout the need to interview more n more researches from kuantan campus? and he replied

"yea! its to the piont where we're going to introduce a new section just for this for the next issue onwards! but the xxx one is special-its frontpage worthy, michael wants to know abt the patenting thing nnt"

another WHOAA!!

nice one michael! skrg semua bakal mengetahui ape kajian2 terbaru yg dibuat oleh lecturer2 kat uia. thnx for the idea u gave me during my visit to NST! jadi kemungkinan selepas ini warga2 UIA-ians dlm The Torch insya-Allah akan ade satu section untuk kita tau research baru, who knows korg dpt inspiration untuk smbung research tuh kan?

btw, i know its freaking late to post bout this, but hell who cares. dah alang2 aku nak cerita pasal The Torch nih, baik cerita je. dibawah merupakan keratan akhbar The Torch yang memuatkan artikel saya. weee.....

ade lagi satu tapi gmbr xcntik. nevermind.

next monday ade NST Young Writer Award 2011. nak pergi....

KENAPA BUAT HARI ISNIN????????

xpe2, class dan clinic itu lebih penting dari award ni. betul kan kawan-kawan? hihi.. but then jealous lah mereka2 boleh pergi, saya tak boleh pergi.... sobs sobs... xde live stream ke award tuh?

ok peeps. need to stop here. catch u later! bye!

i know who i am, i know who he is, and i know who she is. chill, will ya?

iwrath #2

for all the things that happened today and the day before.........

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FUHH PUAS!!

not in a good mood. back off!!

officially, from now on, you are none of my business anymore.

bila bila bila???

lepas class GM kat jln hospital campus, aku ke library.. nak cari buku utnuk buat assignment endodontic instruments Dr Wai kena hantar jumaat nih. dah alang2 nak cari buku tuh, buat terus lah sikit2.. masuk dlm carrel room tingkat 2 menghadap KOD baru yg ntah abad brape baru boleh masuk...

a building that makes you go oh-la-laaa....

sikit punya awesome bgunan tp xdpt2 lg masuk. xtau prob ape kt dlm tuh. wiring? dental chair? tapi dari jauh ni aku nampak ade org buat keje kat dlm tuh. bawak tangga..

ohh cepat lah siapkan bgunan kami tuh. tak sabar nak lari2 dari hujung ke hujung. lepas ni bley main kejar2 dn patient pedo. yeee haww!!

ok back to work! chop chop chop!! (berangan masuk masterchef =P )

URTI again, pharyngitis.. =(

seasonal flu

you know you are sick (fever, flu, n cough) when.....

1. you have a non-stop running nose. rasa nak cabut idung, gantung tempat lain, kau nak berair, hah berair kat situ sorang2.
2. blocked sinus
3. you have a bunch of tissue paper by your side wherever you go.
4. your head feels like its going to explode any moment.
5. you cant swallow coz its freaking painful
6. all of a sudden, you lost your appetite (even ade goreng pisang, mee goreng mamak depan mata)
7. your mouth feels wierd.
8. every move you made, your joints feels like a broken hinge
9. any single touch to your skin, even if it is your sweater, feels like a thousand needle pricking into the skin, deep to the bone.
10. your submandibular lymp node will be palpable and tender on palpation.
11. your tonsils will be inflammed
12. you dont want to do anything, but to lay down on your bed, curled up in your blanky and read a book.
13. suara lu serak-serak basah mcm penyanyi rock woooo!!! hoyeahhhhh!!! rock steady!!
14. mata yang merah dan kuyu saje... mcm zombie dah aku rasa..

i have all the above. kau ade?

been fighting since thursday. harini dah cecah threshold. tadi nampak white dot on the left tonsil. esok ptg wajib pergi clinic. will have to skip oral surgery clinic session tomorrow.

lagi 2 articles xsiap lagi. deng!! bila nak siapkan nih? dgn assignment lg menanti jumaat nih. oii idung. sudah2 lah tu kuar mucus nye!! tak reti penat ke?

nk tnya mizah boleh x hantar lusa article tuh, agak2 dia bg tak?